In honor of our special all-Star Wars podcast, I've decided to rank all seven of the Star Wars movies, with my reasoning for each. Back in September, on episode 30, we did a Mt. Rushmore of both the light and dark side of the force. This, of course, did not include anyone from the new movie since it hadn't come out yet. But I still recommend you go back and give it a listen if you missed it. It's a doozie of a pod. And our special Star Wars podcast from this week takes a deep dive into the The Force Awakens, with the usual half-wit and hijinks you've come to expect and love from the @CandCPod paisans. Be sure to give it a listen after reading this list, if you haven't already.
As for these rankings, as a big Star Wars fan, I feel compelled to state that I love all seven of these films and the entire franchise as a whole. I think they are all worthy of repeat viewings - just some maybe a little more than others. And, without further ado...
1. The Empire Strikes Back (Ep. V)
The Good:
As for these rankings, as a big Star Wars fan, I feel compelled to state that I love all seven of these films and the entire franchise as a whole. I think they are all worthy of repeat viewings - just some maybe a little more than others. And, without further ado...
1. The Empire Strikes Back (Ep. V)
The Good:
- Everything!! I mean seriously, what is there not to love here? I think many, if not most fans agree that this is the best film. Faithful podcast listeners will remember that this made it onto our Mt. Rushmore of Movie Sequels as one of the best ever.
- So. Much. Happened. Strongest narratives and character arcs of the entire saga.
- Hoth and the AT-AT Walkers!
- Han Solo getting frozen in carbonite
- Yoda on Dagobah
- "No... I am your father!"
- the list goes on and on...
- Doesn't stand alone as a closed-ended movie as well as Ep. IV. May be a little tricky to follow if you hadn't seen Ep. IV.
- Not much else to complain about here...
2. The Force Awakens (Ep. VII)
This may be a tad controversial, and perhaps with more time passing, I could look at this more objectively and find more flaws, but screw it! - I'm still coming off the high of the first new Star Wars movie in 10 years, the first Star Wars theater experience I've been able to share with my kids, and all the other fun hype and propaganda... whatever - it's really good.
The Good:
This may be a tad controversial, and perhaps with more time passing, I could look at this more objectively and find more flaws, but screw it! - I'm still coming off the high of the first new Star Wars movie in 10 years, the first Star Wars theater experience I've been able to share with my kids, and all the other fun hype and propaganda... whatever - it's really good.
The Good:
- Rey - What an awesome lead character. To craft a new era of the saga around a female lead - and a kick-ass, well-portrayed, strong, compelling one at that - was a brilliant move by JJ Abrams (and Kasdan). Natalie Portman's Amidala/Padme character was the closest thing we got to a "strong" female lead in the other movies. And while she certainly had her strong moments - many more than Princess Leia - ultimately, she was reduced to a supporting character whose purpose in the end was little more than to bear the children of Darth Vader (#spoileralert). Abrams and Daisy Ridley proved that we can do better. And they did.
- Finn - While he tiptoed daringly close to the line of being annoying ("Did you see that?!?"), he never really crossed it, thus blossoming a new lovable "buddy" in the Star Wars universe, who will likely grow into much more. He grabs the comic relief baton that Han hands off and gives us the relatable "every guy" moxie that we can rally alongside of moving forward in the series.
- Nostalgic euphoria! - it's not just that the storyline took us back to what we loved about the original Star Wars, but the style and physicality of the film-making gave us back the heartiness that was missing in the CGI-filled prequels.
- BB-8 = Star! If droids were dogs, it's kind of like we've been living with a poodle and a dalmation for 30 years, and then suddenly someone brings home a new golden retriever puppy!
- Kylo Ren - Okay, calm down, I didn't HATE Kylo Ren, and I love Adam Driver as an actor. But this new villain got built up so much pre-release and fell flat in one key area... his cool. I was on board the Kylo train for most of the first act until he started flipping out and destroying all the control panels and furniture in the room every time he heard that BB-8 escaped capture. Seriously? The thing that always made Darth Vader so cool (and menacing) was how calm and under control he was - unflappable.
- Kylo Ren unmasked - I get it - Adam Driver is a star and we needed to get his young mug and flowing locks on screen. But I prefer my villains to remain a little more mysterious, at least for a little bit longer.
- Han Solo's murder - It's not that I didn't like the plot point itself, but it had some problems as it relates to the buildup and fallout. I felt very little investment in the relationship prior to Ren's killing of his father, and thus didn't quite care as much as I felt like I was probably supposed to. Likewise, Chewy, Leia and others seemed to shrug and move on a little too easily as well.
3. A New Hope (Ep. IV)
The Good:
The Good:
- It's the Original that started it all! #groundbreaking
- Han and the Millennium Falcon
- The Mos Eisley Cantina
- Trash Compactor
- "If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."
- The Death Star (and its climactic implosion)
- Leia's hair buns
- R2-D2's inexplicable ability to flawlessly roll across miles of soft, deserty sand.
- It's a tad slow at times, in comparison to Empire Strikes Back (I understand, not a truly fair comparison)
- Not much else...
4. Return of the Jedi (Ep. VI)
The Good:
The Good:
- Jabba's Palace & Sail Barge scenes - one of the best opening sequences of any of the movies. We get our first real introduction to Jabba, Luke as a Jedi, Max Rebo, Slave Leia, Rancor Pit, Blind-ish Han Solo killing off Boba Fett, the Sarlac Pit of Carkoon and the death of Jabba... what a tremendous first act!
- Lando piloting the Millennium Falcon
- The chase & battle scene on Endor - regardless of what you think about the Ewoks, they did have some pretty cool Rube Goldberg contraptions rigged up in that forest.
- Vader killing the Emperor
- "It's a Trap"
- The Ewoks - for the record, I don't hate the 'Woks like some do. But objectively, I can acknowledge that they were a little too cutesy for the franchise at the time and soiled the trilogy for many. I won't argue against that.
- Harrison Ford's acting - I do think Ford is a good actor. But it was clear in this film that he wasn't taking it all that seriously anymore and was likely SnapChatting Speilberg in between takes about when his next Indiana Jones movie was going to start shooting. Thankfully, this attitude didn't exactly conflict with his character, so it sort of still worked.
5. The Phantom Menace (Ep. I)
Okay, calm down everybody. Don't freak out. Just stay with me for a minute here...
The Good:
Okay, calm down everybody. Don't freak out. Just stay with me for a minute here...
The Good:
- Darth Maul - The black & red face, the horns, the double-bladed lightsaber.... all of it. Truly menacing and one of the best Star Wars villains ever. His role helped define and kick off the master/apprentice dynamics of the Sith and set into motion the evolution of Palpatine and eventually, Darth Vader. Plus, the lightsaber battle between Maul, Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi Wan Kenobi is arguably the best of the entire saga.
- Duel of the Fates - One of John Williams' best pieces. Though the Imperial March is more iconic, I would argue that this is an overall better song and drives the action incredibly in all three prequels. Rack it up on the Spotify when you're cruising the strip late night and just try not to get all amped up. You'll be singing along by the two-minute mark at least, and there aren't even any lyrics!!
- Liam Neeson - His quality acting almost made up for Jar Jar Binks. I said almost. But what a pleasure it was to see two quality actors in Neeson and Ewan McGregor carry this film with such grade A performances. Qui-Gon is one of my favorite Jedis and, like Darth Maul, it was a shame we had to lose him after only one film.
- The Jedi Council - okay, they're a bit stuffy and don't do a whole lot here, but remember, before this film, we had only been exposed to three Jedi, and two of them were dead for two-thirds of the original trilogy. So the new toy factor is at play a bit here.
- The Pod Race - Not the build-up and the backstory behind it so much. But the race itself was a little bit kick-ass. A little long, yes. But still.
- Jar Jar Binks - Okay, let's get this one out of the way. I know most people consider Jar Jar the most despicable part of the entire saga but let's just cool the jets a little. Yes, I agree that Jar Jar was bad and annoying and whatever else you want to say about him. But I don't think he ruined the entire movie. Thankfully he was not that crucial to the overall story line and was rightfully minimized and eventually eliminated in future episodes. Let's just move on...
- Watto - Need I elaborate?
- Too much politics and trade routes and taxation and blah blah blahbitty blah. Are we watching a U.N. documentary here or a Star Wars flick? Let's blow some shit up with spaceships and lightsabers already.
6. Attack of the Clones (Ep. II)
This is probably the least controversial of all of my rankings. It's practically devoid of Jar Jar and bad (acting) Anakin, yet it's still a prequel. Has some good stuff, but nothing that blows anyone out of the water. Basically, it's Little Caesar's Cheese Pizza. Nobody's raving about it, but it's still pizza.
The Good:
This is probably the least controversial of all of my rankings. It's practically devoid of Jar Jar and bad (acting) Anakin, yet it's still a prequel. Has some good stuff, but nothing that blows anyone out of the water. Basically, it's Little Caesar's Cheese Pizza. Nobody's raving about it, but it's still pizza.
The Good:
- Oodles of Jedi - It doesn't get much cooler than the Battle of Geonosis and specifically, its climax with gobs of Jedi appearing out of nowhere to save the day. We'd waited a movie and a half to see this kind of Jedi power come together and it finally delivered. Although we certainly could have benefited from more than 9 seconds of screen time for the ravishing Aayla Secura and cool cat Plo Koon.
- Kick-Ass Yoda! - Another thing we had been waiting decades to see - some sick Jedi shit out of the little green giant. Episode 1 introduced us to a "younger" Yoda, but unfortunately all he did was sit on his council beanbag chair the whole movie. Even though the acrobatic duel between Yoda and Count Dooku was heavy CGI-laden, it still kicked butt.
- Jango Fett - What's not to like here? Cranky young Boba and his cooler pops, Jango, who somehow had a shinier, more advanced suit, weapons and Slave-1 ship than his son would don 20 years later? I'm all in on Jango.
- Two words: Hayden. Christensen. There'll be much more on him when I get to Episode III, so I won't pile on here. Moving on...
- The way Padme calls Anakin "Ani." Echk! Stop it already. SRSLY.
- Waaaay too much CGI - Yes, we saw it in Phantom Menace too, but there was still a gritty earthiness to that film that gave it a scoach of the old school feeling. But Episode II just let it all go with what ended up feeling like a very "artificial" vibe of these new worlds and this universe.
- And what exactly was this movie about? I guess it was a vehicle to establish the genesis of the Clone army and eventually, the storm troopers? Or maybe it was just a stage to present the fact that "Ani" is no older and it's not creepy anymore if Natalie Portman wants to lust after him. Who knows? At least Ewan McGregor was still trying to deliver a legitimate performance since he hadn't yet fully realized he was co-starring with the acting kryptonite of the entire Star Wars franchise. Which leads us to...
7. Revenge of the Sith (Ep. III)
I'll call it like it is. Many people have this ranked as the best of the 3 prequels and some even higher than that. If I were to simply read all three scripts of the prequels, without seeing the films, I might share similar thoughts. That's how great the potential of this film was. But then... Hayden Christensen happened. But first...
The Good:
I'll call it like it is. Many people have this ranked as the best of the 3 prequels and some even higher than that. If I were to simply read all three scripts of the prequels, without seeing the films, I might share similar thoughts. That's how great the potential of this film was. But then... Hayden Christensen happened. But first...
The Good:
- The Plot - While I hate how it was executed (more on that in a sec), this was ultimately the story we had been sludging through the first two prequels to finally get to - the "bridge" to the original Star Wars and reveal of how Anakin actually turned into Darth Vader.
- General Grievous - Four lightsabers at once? Wheelbike? Electro-static staff? C'mon. What's not to love here? Kind of a legit bad-ass, despite the CGI-fest.
- Mace Windu vs. Palpatine - despite the presence of Hayden Christensen, this scene still shines, perhaps due to the quality acting of Samuel L. Jackson and Ian McDiarmid. Part of me thought, "wait, so these Jedi can sense shit millions of light years across the galaxy, yet it took them 2 1/2 movies to figure out that Palpatine was Sidius?" But then I'm like, "Ah, screw it, we still got cool shit going on here - Mace's Purple lightsaber, the deformation of Palpatine's face, the death of Windu, and the "no turning back" moment of Anakin/Vader. Jackpot.
- The Killing of the Padawans - didn't like it. didn't need it.
- Order 66 - Kind of a big deal, wouldn't you say? and I thought they underplayed it a tad, only in that, it seemed rushed at the end of the film. Should have spent more time on what was really going down and the implications moving forward for both the Jedi and the clone army.
- Hayden Christensen - For me, it all starts and ends right here. We're talking about a little something called "acting" folks. You've heard of it? It's that skill people get paid to perform when they're portraying someone in a movie? Well, someone forgot to tell Lucas that this talent was a job requirement when casting the most important LEAD role of the trilogy. It didn't rear its ugly head so much in Episode II because Anakin was still good and it was relatively easy for HC to play it straight. But the entire essence of Episode III is woven around the internal and external struggles of Anakin - temptation, deception, betrayal, transformation from good to evil and many more complex characteristics that drive the bloodline of the entire saga. And you know what he did with all that? He barfed all over it. I mean honestly, it was painful. No nuance. No natural expression. Empty dialogue delivery. Overly forced facial reactions... and then to top it all off, at the end of it all, we're supposed to believe that this whiny Gen-Yer with overt fits of pretend rage turns into the awesomely cool, slickly evil, and always-in-control Vader? Sorry, not buying one cent of it. Wanted to. Badly. But couldn't. So much wonderfullness in this movie that was right there for all to enjoy, and HC just sucked the life out of every scene he was in. What a shame.